How to not make a big deal out of things
Confession time! One of my guilty pleasures apart from House Hunters marathons and the many vampire shows now on TV (have you seen NBC’s new Dracula? Très enchanting!) is the occasional wedding show. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I love the gorgeous dresses, the jaw-dropping decorations, and the amusing antics of wedding planners like David Tutera.
It was on one such wedding show that I became acquainted with an interesting bride. She felt tortured by her mother-in-law’s insistence that she perform a wedding reception dance customary to the groom’s culture. She wasn’t a dancer, she knew nothing about the culture, and she didn’t want to know anything about the culture.
All of these things spelled out a recipe for disaster and days before the wedding, while grudgingly practicing the dance in a local studio, she had a Bridezilla-worthy meltdown.
She was understandably stressed by the countless things your average bride faces leading up to the Big Day and the idea of learning a dance on top of it all just seemed too much to bear. Our dear David Tutera called her out on something every audience member no doubt recognized throughout the entire episode: “you’re making this bigger than it really is.”
Our bride was rendered speechless, no doubt saw that he was right, and to make a long (and entertaining) story short: she ended up performing the cultural dance beside her new husband and it wasn’t so bad after all.
Now be honest. Have you ever been that bride?
Admittedly, we all have. At one point or another, we’ve all made mountains out of mole hills, we’ve cried over spilled milk, and we’ve lost our cool over situations that were completely trivial.
What does this achieve for us? Nothing. Nothing beneficial at least. When we give in to our anger and stress, we actually only make ourselves feel worst. We drain our energy and we deplete the brain power to function more reasonably.
So how can we stop this?
The answer is simple. All you need to do is reframe your mind.
I have four questions that are guaranteed to reframe your mind and reshape your concept of a situation the next time you’re about to blow your top. Remember, the environment you maintain inside your mind directly impacts the environment that surrounds you. So read on to learn how you can keep your calm no matter what you’re going through!
1. What are you really mad about?
Is there something far bigger and far more stressful that really is trying your patience? The next time you’re about to go off about something or someone, hit the pause button and consider this. You might find that what you thought was the source of your anger isn’t the true source at all. Once you do, you’ll be able to backtrack to the real underlying cause and cool down.
2. What baggage are you bringing into the situation?
In other words, did someone’s otherwise harmless comment come across the wrong way simply because your mind is receiving everything through a warped perception? If you go through life thinking you’re a victim, a doormat, or someone who’s always being taken advantage of…then whenever a challenging situation comes up, you’re always going to cast yourself in that role while also casting others as the villains, oppressors, and bullies. Check in your baggage at the door, reframe your mind to see the newness of every situation, and don’t overthink people’s intentions. We’re all going through something and pointing fingers and creating soap operas out of trivial moments gets you nowhere.
3. A year from now, will this really matter?
Sometimes we get so consumed with the passion of the moment that we want to argue just to argue or vent just to vent or cause melodrama just to cause melodrama. But a few months from now, or a year from now, or many years from now…is this thing you’re upset about really going to matter? Or are you just going to look back on it and deem yourself silly for having used up so much energy toward something so petty?
4. Is the earth falling off its axis?
This is my favorite question, and one I use quite often, thank you very much. As far as I’m concerned, unless we’re being invaded by aliens, the sun has exploded, or the earth has somehow fallen off its axis and is plummeting through space, there really is no point to drama or Oscar-worthy theatrics. If it’s not a life or death situation, then honor yourself by preserving your peace and joy. Sometimes we work ourselves up because we feel it’s what others expect of us; again, we cast ourselves in these roles that hardly suit us. Redefine your role for yourself and take back the clear-mindedness and peace that are yours to keep.
So which of the above questions is your favorite? Can you think of a past or future scenario when it would’ve been or will be extremely helpful? Share below!